December 11, 2021
As we sit the waiting room of the Texas Children’s emergency room, I am full of anxiety and worry for my baby. I am praying every moment, reading the Word, and doing all I can to remain calm and centered on Christ. I needed to be strong for my 5 year old, Hendrix Alexander, despite my internal roller-coaster. He is playing and talking like a normal healthy kid while we await for what, unbeknownst to us at the time, would be a difficult journey ahead.
Earlier that afternoon we took Hendrix to an urgent care clinic for swelling in his lower abdomen and a fever. The doctor urged us to the ER – and to go immediately. My husband and I look at each other with fear in our eyes, not needing to say a thing. We understood exactly what the other was feeling and thinking. This can’t be happening. Not our baby. Not our precious, beautiful, perfect son.
After hours of waiting and several tests, the ER doctor comes in with a look in her eye. This moment is something that will be forever ingrained in my head. She examines him and sits down next to me. She took my hand. Full of compassion and regret she said, “He has a tumor on his right kidney.” Tears fall and thoughts race, but I know in the back of my mind that my God is good. My Refuge. “Is there anyone with you?” she asked. It’s my turn to break the news to my husband.
He and our younger son, Hayes, are waiting in the truck. One of the many joys of brought on by covid *sarcasm*; only one person can be with the patient. Thankfully, the doctors and nurses bypassed the rules for our situation. I texted him, “Alex”. Couldn’t do it over the phone. “Tell security and front desk, the doctors are allowing you back here.”
He walks in the room with our other beautiful, precious, perfect son. He sits down and I barely utter the words, “It’s a tumor.”
December 14, 2021
5 AM we were woken up after a sleepless night to prepare Hendrix for his surgery to remove the tumor and possibly the kidney with it. The nurse on duty that morning was truly sent by God. She could feel our worry and hurt, and was full of hope for us. One of the things she told us before we went down to the surgical area was, “if you need to go on the roof top to scream, you do just that! I am here for you; whatever you need. 2 years from now, this will all be over. He will be healthy and you won’t believe your family went through this. It will all be a part of the past.” He knew what and who we needed to support us that morning.
Today was the day they would get a preliminary diagnosis on the tumor and be able to tell us whether or not the monster inside our son was malignant. Our little boy was nervous but didn’t fully understand the weight of what was happening. Alex and I were distraught but knew Hendrix was in the best hands. He was at the the nation’s top pediatric hospital and the surgical team was full of seasoned and amazing surgeons who, sadly, have to perform this type of surgery almost weekly.
The surgery was around 5 hours. I was reading the book of Matthew over and over trying to get a hold of my worry. I remember walking over to the window to pray. We were 9 stories up in a high-rise building in the middle of the Texas Medical Center. Out of nowhere a beautiful butterfly flew up the window and out into the sunlight. What was that little guy doing way up there, with no flowers or plants around? It may be silly, but I believe it was God sending a reminder – a message – that He was working and that He is faithful to His promises. I saw it as hope for my baby. Once the main part of the surgery was done, the surgeons came out dressed in their blue scrubs and somber faces to give us an update. “The surgery went well. He is stable and doing great. We did put in the port-a-catheter. The tumor was 17 cm long and was too involved with kidney so it had to be removed. The preliminary tests show that it is cancerous.” There was more said but all I could process was that my baby, my son, had cancer. My husband and I wept.
December 15 – 19, 2021
We stayed in recovery for 5 long days. Different teams of doctors and nurses were in and out the room every hour. It was near Christmas time so there was that feeling in the air of spirit, love, and Jesus. And now that I look back, I am so grateful it all happened during that time. It was exhausting, mentally and physically, but we were sustained by Jesus. We had amazing support from our families, friends, and the hospital staff. We are a very close family, the four of us, so it was hard to be without Hayes while we were there. We are blessed to have the support of both sets of grandparents so we knew our other son was more than well taken care of. That helped. Hendrix is amazingly strong and resilient. He is filled with the Holy Spirit’s healing power. He recovered quickly and despite his huge incision going across his abdomen, he was up and walking the halls a few days after surgery. I prayed Psalm 91 over him multiple times a day. I spent the hours that he was sleeping and resting, writing down my prayers and fears, giving it to the Lord. That helped, too.
During that time, we met his Oncology doctor that would be leading his outpatient treatment. She is a wonderful doctor, who knew we were going through the toughest time of our lives. While we were still waiting for the actual diagnosis and in depth DNA analysis of the type of cancer, she could tell us that she was 95% sure it was Wilm’s, the most common type of kidney cancer in children. We had a long journey ahead, with lots of unknowns, yet, somehow we had peace that surpassed all understanding.
We saw glimpses of Our Father everywhere during that 8 day stay at Texas Children’s Hospital. In the people we’d talk to, the nurses who helped us, on the TV, in the hospital hallways… He was with us. His hand was working and He was upholding us. There was no other way we’d have the strength. A verse that I kept seeing everywhere was John 1:4-5. What a beautiful promise, that Jesus – His Light – would always overcome darkness.
“The Word gave life to everything that was created, and His life brought light to everyone.
John 1: 4-5
More to come….
Never stop Chasing the Light of the Son